


Long Way Home

by HiddenEmily (Sabis_dream_world)



Series: Brooklyn Fics [1]
Category: Brooklyn (2015)
Genre: Angst, Brooklyn, Cheating, Enniscorthy, F/M, Family Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Memories, family life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-11 07:58:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 12,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11144190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sabis_dream_world/pseuds/HiddenEmily
Summary: Ellis finds herself still going back to Ireland despite having already having a family. What will it be like seeing her best friend? What about her past with Jim, is that all in the past or will feelings resurface?





	1. Bye Brooklyn

**Author's Note:**

> Starts out pretty innocent but will get heavier over time. No idea how long it will be.
> 
> Kudos and comments are much appreciated :)

The ocean called to her. With all the time she spent on the ship travelling between her two beloved continents she wondered why she didn't just become a sailor. She was never a big sea-person but over the years the ocean had become synonymous with many things. Love. Heartache. Excitement. Death. Family. Guilt. Friends.

Eilis walked across the port in America with her beloved husband, Tony, who was holding her small suitcase. Rosie, their daughter, held her hand and Eilis kept moving her hand to the pram with their son Frankie. She would miss these two but she would only be gone for a few weeks. They made promises to each other to write letters as often as possible and Mrs. Fiorello and everyone else would be helping out with the kids.

Was it bad that she still felt homesick for Enniscorthy when New York had been her home for years now? She sometimes mentioned it to Tony but not as often as she wished. She didn't want him to think that she was on the verge of running off for her green hills. She loved Tony, her family and her new home with all her heart. But there was always a piece of her that stayed in Ireland and she didn't know how to bring it back with her.

"It's okay Eilis." Tony said gently rubbing her back.

"Hm?" Ellis looked at him.

"It's where you grew up. You need this. I understand." He said as if he had read her mind. She grinned.

"Young fellow, you know me too well...I just feel bad for leaving you here. You know that this is my home right?"

He smiled as if he knew she would say that.

"I know. Plus, you've still got some things to clean up out there. You're selling the house, and your mothers things as well. It will give you closure for when you come back. Don't you worry about the kids. My mom raised me, no reason why she couldn't do well with these two. And I think it's fair to say I'm not a bad father." He grins.

"That you aren't. Come here." She pulls him in gently and places her lips on his. It's a quick peck but one full of the future they still have together.

She crouches down to her two lovelies. First she picks up her five-year old and puts her face in her hair near her ear.

"Ma will be home soon, okay honey? I will be back before you know it with stories of the never-ending green hills. I love you so so much!"

"I will miss you mummy!" Rosie replies throwing her thin arms around Eilis' head.

"I know." Ellis says and gently places her daughter back on the ground.

Ellis then picks up the half-awake Frankie and rocks him as she smothers him with kisses.

"I will be home soon Frankie. I love you very much!" Eilis says.

"Ma, ma." He replies and the two proud parents smile.

"Now hurry to the ship, you wouldn't want it to leave without you."

Eilis takes the suitcase and having done this a few times before walks confidently to the docking station and boards the ship.


	2. Welcome Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eilis' voyage and finally she's in Enniscorthy meeting her two friends, Nancy and George and their little one. A lot of memories arise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Narrative heavy, barely any dialogue.

She sits down on her assigned bed. It didn’t seem she’d be having to share a room with anyone this time. That would give her a chance to think. Not that she wasn’t capable of thinking with others around but often she ended up with some young girl on her first voyage and started to mother her, just like Georgina had helped her on her first trip to Brooklyn. It seems like so long ago that Georgina gave her tips on how to live in Brooklyn or put some make up on her. Eilis smiles fondly at those memories and at the woman Eilis was now. Long gone were the days of the giddy little girl, unsure of herself in the world, unsure of who she was. This wasn’t to say that she was now a confident old woman. It wasn’t that long ago that she grew out of that young woman. It had only been a few years yet it felt like a lifetime.

She still sent letters to her best friend Nancy. Excitement would always rise in her when she saw a letter from her friend. It reminded her of her true Irish roots. The distance could never tear the two women apart, not even difference in culture.

Ireland was now in full view and Eilis was sure she could smell the grass and feel the whip of the wind that only Ireland could create. The clouds rolled in as if to welcome her. She never thought she would miss the Irish weather but here she was smiling at the grey sky as if that was the piece she was missing in her life.

She is at the front of the ship as it docks and can spot her friend waving vigorously at her. Some things never change. When the two women are together it was as if they were transported back in time to when they were so young and foolish. Eilis still considered herself foolish but the birth of her children took away the young in her. Of course, Tony’s smile sometimes made her feel like she hadn’t aged a day. It was the same smile he gave her the first time they met. It was the same smile he had for her everyday since that day. It was a smile that warmed the coldest parts in her. Their children had that smile.

Looking down she waves back and gently runs to her friend hugging her fiercely.

“I missed you Nance!” Eilis mutters.

“Oh I missed you too hun.” Nancy replies hugging her back.

Eilis bites her lip. She wants to hug George like they used to but she’s half sure he hasn’t yet forgiven her for how she treated Jim that fateful trip back home all those years ago.

After a lifetime of hugging Nancy, Eilis turns to George and waits for him to initiate the greetings. He smiles at her and gives her a hug. Eilis melts feeling the forgiveness seep through her.

“It’s good to see you George.” She says.

“And you.” He says and lets go.

“Eilis, this is Tommy, Keira, and Conall.” Nancy says pointing to her children as she says their names.

“They’re beautiful!”

“Of course they are, they’re ours.” George says proudly and Nancy hits him lightly in the shoulder as all three of them laugh.

“Come on now, we wouldn’t to stand here all day. Let’s go home.”

Eilis’ stomach clenches. She could blame it on the sea but she knows it’s the thought of going to her old house. It had been a long time and the house brought too many memories. If someone had told her when she was young that she would be a very different woman, living in a different country she would have laughed them off.

“I know you probably want to sleep so we will let you. But we will see you tomorrow yes?” Nancy says.

“Thanks Nance.”

As soon as the door closes Eilis falls on the couch. It is eerily quiet after the trip here with three boisterous children and her close friends. If she closed her eyes and took a deep breath she could hear her ma and Rose talking. She tried to suppress a tear but it wasn’t easy. She wasn’t sure why she should not just let the tear fall. No one was here. There was no one to impress. No Mrs. Kelly to hide from. But the moment she stepped onto the dock in Ireland a part of the old Eilis took over and acted like her old self. It was scary but also a relief in a way.

Walking up the creaky stairs she unpacks her sleepwear and falls asleep the moment she touches her old bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully next chapter or the chapter after we'll see some of Jim.


	3. Dressing Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Be faithful to her Irish roots or to her new American self?  
> Nancy tries to persuade her to go to the pub.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite a short chapter but it's kind of a filler.

The chirping of birds wakes Eilis up from a dream. She stretches her arms out like a cat and opens her closet. There were two piles of clothes. One pile consisted of colourful American-esque fashion, the other of more moderate and laid-back Irish fashion. Ellis wasn't necessarily a fashion-conscious woman but somehow it felt like choosing the right clothes would be critical. If she wore the colourful everyone would stare at her but she would be true to herself. If she wore the plain she would blend in but would be playing dress up. She decides to go with Brooklyn. Who cares what people think. She laughs to herself thinking that the old Eilis would never have even thought that. Oh how she has changed.

No one has lived in this house for a few years so if Eilis wants anything to eat she has to go down the road to the baker's. The bell above the door rings as she steps into the crowd of women trying to get the best bread. Ellis isn't particularly picky as to what bread she gets so does push around but awaits her turn.

"Eilis?" A woman asks.

"Lorna!" Eilis exclaims as she recognizes the young woman at the counter. The two girls used to go to school together. They hadn't been very close but Lorna was one of those girls that everyone liked despite being shy.

"I didn't know you were coming back to Enniscorthy!"

"I'm actually surprised. Does news not travel as fast as it used to around here?"

The girls laugh.

When it's finally Eilis' turn Lorna passes her some fresh bread.

"Here, take it. Look at it as a welcome home gift."

"Lorna, I couldn't..."

"Enjoy it! How long are you staying?"

"I'm not sure yet. A week, two, three. I'm sorting out the house and the stuff inside. But I don't want to overstay. Thank you so much for the bread, I really appreciate it."

"No problem. Have a wonderful stay!"

"Thanks Lorna, have a good day."

It is strange listening to people welcome her home when all she used to hear were mean things about her or nothing, thinking she was invisible. How she wishes that this level of respect towards her had been there when she was a young girl.

After breakfast she heads out to her best friends house.

Looking at the three young children she wishes Rosie and Frankie were here to play with them. She could already imagine them running around in the grass leaving only the wind in their wake.

"Did you start working on the house?" Nancy asks.

"I tried...but it's strange."

"Oh I know darling." Nancy pats her on the back.

"Nancy can help you out tomorrow." George adds but runs over to Keira when she starts crying.

"Yes! I will! But today take a break and in the evening we'll go to the pub, yeah?"

"Oh I don't know..."

"What, why not?"

"I don't think I should be showing myself much in town."

"And why is that?" Nancy raises her eyebrow at her like she already knows what she's about to say so Eilis doesn't reply.

"You're going to be here some time. You can't stay cooped up in the house all day. There are no dangers in town. Besides, maybe it's time you resolved your issues."

"My issues?" Ellis laughs.

"We all know what issue in particular." Nancy looks at her pointedly.

"What if he's there?"

"He might be, he might not be. It's hard to tell. But it's a large pub, you know that! And don't let him spoil your stay. For all we know he will ignore you."

There's a clench in her stomach. She is suddenly unsure whether she would rather Jim ignored her completely or didn't. Which would be worse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: will she go to the pub? Will she see a familiar face?


	4. Days Gone By

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eilis, Nancy and George go to the pub. They talk of days gone by and watch people Eilis used to know. Will a certain man make an appearance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late late late update but it is what it is.
> 
> Kudos and comments are always very much appreciated :)

The sun moves across the sky and before Eilis realizes it it is evening.

"How about I meet you back at your house in a few? I just need to get something at the house." Eilis says.

"That sounds good. I need to put the children to sleep before we can head out anyways." Nancy replies.

Eilis stands in front of the mirror. This morning had been hard enough in choosing what to wear, but choosing what to wear for tonight was even harder. Eilis tries to deny it's because there's a small possibility of Jim showing up and for some reason she still wants to impress him. Instead she tells herself that she wants to look good because there will be a lot of people that she knows at the pub.

She puts on a plain beige blouse, one she is sure every woman in Ireland owns, with a dark green skirt, one she is sure every woman in Brooklyn yearns for. She combs through her hair and pins it up in hopes of keeping it out of her face. Lastly she reaches for some light make-up. She feels strange putting on make-up for only a night out with her friends in a pub in the middle of nowhere but that doesn't stop her. As a finishing touch she colors her lips with red lipstick.

She knocks on the door and Nancy opens it with a wide mouth which immediately turns into an even wider grin.

"You look gorgeous! Dressing up for someone?" She winks.

"I'm not Nance. I'm not, really. But I am used to it from America." It was a slight lie. She didn't dress up and put this much make-up on this often in Brooklyn but Nancy doesn't know that.

"If you say so." Nancy smiles slyly.

"Ready George?"

"On my way girls!"

The three of them walk to the pub full of laughter. Eilis takes a deep breath when they open the door. They sit at a booth and Eilis can't help but scan the room a few times. She sees a lot of men from the old rugby team as well as women from school. A few of those women turn to look at her and blatantly stare. When they notice her looking back they turn to each other in whispers.

"I suppose some things don't change." Eilis says.

"Oh never mind them. They're bored or what not. It's a small town, nothing happens here." Nancy puts hand over Eilis'.

"I do remember that."

George orders three pints for their table and the three of them laugh at stories from Brooklyn and Enniscorthy.

"You say nothing happens here but I'd say it's quite a bustling village from what I remember."

"That's because we've summed up the only things that have happened here in years." George says.

"Do you mind if I go talk to some of the lads over there?" George asks.

"Go on. Tell them I say hi." Eilis says.

Nancy and Eilis sip their pints.

"So tell me Nance. Now that George isn't at the table, how is life as a family woman?"

"Oh it's a joy. I mean sure, ups and downs." Nancy says.

"One wouldn't think there are any downs looking at the two of you laughing all the time." Eilis' laughs.

"Yes well all families have ups and downs. We argue just as much as any other couple. But oh how much I love that man. And my three beautiful darlings." Nancy gushes.

"They are sweet. I am so happy for the two of you. I wish you could meet Tony. Some day I will get him down here to Ireland. Either that or you are coming to Brooklyn."

"You know George have talked about that. We actually started saving up for me to go to Brooklyn one day." Nancy leans in.

"Really? That would be wonderful!"

"But let's make a pact. I save up to go to Brooklyn and you save up for Tony to come down here. Deal?"

"Sounds like a plan." The two girls shake on it.

George is walking over back to them with someone in tow but the two are deep in conversation.

"Eilis." The second man says and Eilis' body goes stiff. The voice sends shivers down her spine and she resists from shaking it off. She looks bewildered at her friend sitting across from her. She can see pity but also slyness in her eyes. Eilis' closes her eyes because she knows she can sit there forever. She wasn't going to be rude. Taking a few deep breaths, she tries to stop her heart from racing out of her body. Slowly she turns around and swallows over a lump in her throat that threatens to make her incapable of speech.

"Jim."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC...
> 
> Kudos and comments are always very much appreciated :)


	5. Among Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eilis, Nancy, George, and Jim sit at the booth of the pub. Both Eilis and Jim are nervous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but it's something at least. :)
> 
> Kudos and comments are always very much appreciated :)

“It’s good to see you.” Jim begins and Eilis is thankful because she isn’t sure how to act around him. The last time she was here they had a whirlwind semi-romance that ended with Eilis leaving a lame apologetic letter to him. George hadn’t wanted to have anything to do with Eilis for some time because of how much she hurt Jim. She wasn’t proud of that, and she wished she could make them understand that it hadn’t been an easy choice. The hurt she felt when writing that letter, the tears that fell on the paper, stung her heart.

“You too Jim. Nancy told me that you took over the pub.” Eliis doesn’t mention anything about the re-naming of the pub. When she lived here it had been called “The Three Heads” but now it was called “Across The Sea”.

“Yes. And a few other businesses but this is one where I spend most time really.”

“I am glad business is going well.”

“Thank you. Do you mind if I sit with the three of you for a while?” He asks nervously.

Eilis is happy, in a way, to see that she isn't the only one feeling unsure at what the boundaries are.

“Of course!” Nancy says smiling and gets up to sit beside Eilis. Jim sits across from Eilis and George across from Nancy.

The four of them recount more light-hearted stories from Enniscorthy and Eilis finds herself feeling less nervous, though she still can’t bring herself to properly look in Jim’s eyes. Once in a while their gazes meet and it is truly as if the world slowed down until eventually one of them looks away.

Eilis reaches for her pint in order to have something to do with her hands rather than wringing them nervously in her lap. Jim reaches for his drink at the exact moment and because their drinks are right beside each other their fingers brush gently against each other.  
Electricity passes through Eilis and immediately brings her hand back knocking her drink over. Jim’s hand is back in his lap and Eilis can see his laboured breathing telling her that he felt it as well.

“Ah, I’m so sorry. A bit clumsy I suppose.” Eilis apologizes and starts cleaning up the mess. Jim gets up to get a rag form the bar and helps her clean up.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Let me get you another pint.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t…” Eilis says quietly.

“Well you’ve barely touched this one.” Nancy says.

Before she knows it Jim sets down another one in front of her and she smiles shyly at him.

“Thanks.”

Not long after Jim leaves to work some more and after a few hours Eilis begins to feel the tiredness of the journey in her.

“I think I might head home.”

“Already?” Nancy asks.

“We’ve been here for hours you know? Don’t you worry though. It’s not that you’re bad company, I have missed you a lot, but the journey is still taking a toll on me.”

“Sounds fair. I’ll see you tomorrow? I thought we could take the kids on a trip in the afternoon.” Nancy says.

Eilis grabs her cardigan and heads for the door when a gentle voice behind her stops her in her tracks.

“Leaving so soon?” Jim asks.

“I wouldn’t call it soon but yes. I’m still quite tired from the journey to Ireland. But thank you for the drinks Jim.”

“Let me walk you home.” He blurts out and Eilis’ eyes widen. She had presumed that he had only been polite when he sat down with them in order to not cause too much tension but to willingly take the woman who hurt him home seemed beyond polite. Eliis isn’t sure what to say. A part of her is screaming yes, please, take me home. Another part knows that it isn’t a good idea for the two of them to be alone.

“I don’t know…”

“Please.” He says more as a statement rather than a question.

“Alright, thank you.”

The two of them walk out of the pub and the stars in the sky illuminate their way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jim's being strong, he likes kudos. :P


	6. Walk Through The Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim walks Eilis home and they talk awkwardly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always much appreciated :)))

Jim opens the door and Eilis walks outside the night sky surprising her. She knew that it was late but she hadn't realized it was this late. The two of them walk side by side and listen to the foxes howl in the distance.

"Do you still play rugby?" Eilis finally asks when she can't stand the silence.

"Sometimes. There is less time for it now then there used to be back in the day." Jim answers. Eilis can't help but wonder whether Jim has a woman in his life that Nancy didn't tell her about. A surge of jealousy passes through her at the thought of a beautiful young woman sitting in his garden reading a book waiting for her beloved to come home. She immediately shakes it off knowing that the thought was unkind towards Jim. She wants him to be happy.

"Well it is good that you still get the chance to be with the boys. Well, I suppose men now."

"Yes. It lets me keep in touch. Of course owning the pub means I see everyone once in a while in any case." He adds.

Ellis looks forward and notices they are walking towards a park. It isn't the fastest way home but she doesn't mind.

"Rose and I used to runaway to the park when life was too much. We would climb up the tree and make up stories. We would always come home with scrapes and bruises. Rose tried to clean us up before we walked in but it wasn't easy. Ma was never happy but I was." Ellis says remembering a time when Rose was still alive and happy.

Jim smiles and Eilis can see him imagining the young version of her climbing trees. The smile on Eilis' face slowly fades and turns to sadness.

"I miss them. I miss my ma, I miss Rose. I know it's been a while, especially with Rose. I know everyone expects me to be over it....but I can't." A tear or two drop down her face.

"No one expects you to be over them." He says gently.

"You'd be surprised." Something akin to bitterness slips through her mouth.

"They shouldn't...I don't." He adds at the end and for some reason it's as if a rock was lifted off of her shoulders. Unfortunately, there seem to be a hundred more rocks.

He looks at her and gently brushes the tears away. Eilis tries not to lean in to his touch but it's hard. She closes her eyes and tries not to cry any more than she already is.

Silence penetrates their conversation but unlike at the beginning it's more comforting. Both of them seem to be deep in thought.

"Do you work?" Jim suddenly asks. Eilis is thankful for the light subject, however she can never tell what will be a light subject with Jim, if there even is such a thing.

"Yes. Not as much as I used to what with having two children but I enjoy it. I've been asked to do some book-keeping whilst I'm here so I might do it. Money is always scarce."

"That's a good idea. How many children do you have?" He asks.

She swallows feeling like they are going into strange conversational territory.

"...Rosie and Frankie. They're wonderful! They're quite active, especially Rosie. They definitely keep me on my toes but I love them to death." Ellis gushes. She always does when talking about her lovelies.

"They sound sweet." Jim says but looks away from her. She hadn't meant to talk about her life in Brooklyn but he brought it up and she didn't want to be rude.

The park is now behind them and the door to her house is now looming before them. Eilis bites the inside of her cheek and tries to think of a way to say goodbye on good terms.

She turns to him and is thankful for the dark sky keeping her from seeing his face well.

"Thank you for walking me home." She says gently.

"It was my pleasure." He says.

Was it though? She wonders.

With a shaky hand she puts the key in the door and opens it.

"Will I see you again before you leave?" He asks so quietly that Eilis barely catches it.

"Yes!" Eilis knows she said that too quickly and enthusiastically but it is the truth. She desperately needs to see him again. It's as if when she was in Brooklyn she didn't know she was missing oxygen and now she had a taste of it, yet again, and she needed more.

"Good....That's...good." He says and walks off.

Closing the door, Eilis slides down and puts her head in her hands. The tears flow freely now that no one can see her. The tears are for her ma, for her sister, for Jim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Originally the conversation between Jim and Eilis was going to be twice as long and intense but I decided to divide it into pieces. So there will be more conversations between the two of them that include more intense stuff.
> 
> Kudos and comments are always much appreciated :)


	7. Beach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day at the beach with Nancy, George, and the kids....and...?

The morning comes too soon for Eilis when she hears a knock at the door. Walking down lazily she opens the door to see a beaming Nancy.

"So?" Nancy says and pushes her way in.

"Nancy, what are you doing here this early?"

"If you had any sense you would look at the clock and notice it isn't early." Nancy laughs.

Ellis looks over at the mantle and sees it's nearly 11 in the morning. She doesn't remember the last time she slept this long.

"Are you alright hun?" Her friend asks.

"Yeah."

"So?" Nancy asks again.

Eilis frowns unsure of what Nancy is asking of her.

Rolling her eyes, Nancy sighs.

"How was last night?"

Images from last night's walk flood Eilis' mind. The park. The tears. The discomfort. The comfort. The warmth of his hand on her cheek. She can't help but blush.

"What are you talking about Nancy?" Ellis says feigning innocence.

"Don't play dumb silly. Jim walked you home last night did he not?" Nancy points out.

"Yes. But that's it."

"Sure it is."

"Nance. I have a husband and children." Ellis says in exasperation not fully awake yet for her friend.

"Whatever you say. We're taking the kids to the beach today, you want to join us?"

"That sounds good." Eilis says hoping that the company of children and the salty breeze will take her mind off of a certain gentleman.

Not long after the family of five and Eilis walk barefoot in the grass. The children giggle as the grass tickles their small feet and it brings joy to Eilis' face, reminding her of Rosie and Frankie.

They take up a spot at the beach and let the kids roam at the edge of the sea, George joins them not long after, leaving the two young women to enjoy some peace and quiet.

"You've been quiet Eilis." Nancy begins.

Eilis laughs. "I think your perception of me has changed. I've always been quiet, don't you remember?"

"Yes, but we aren't fifteen anymore. You've changed, I've changed. You became confident."

"Hardly."

"You should give yourself more credit. Let me rephrase. You became more confident than you were before you ever left for America."

Ellis doesn't say anything because she knows Nancy is right to a certain degree.

"It's not easy being back here."

"Because of Jim?"

"Nancy. Not everything is about Jim! Ireland just has too many reminders of things I thought I moved on from. My mother. My sister. My uselessness. All of it."

"I didn't mean to offend you, sorry."

"It's fine." Ellis cools off.

They talk for hours more.

"I should get the kids home. George has to go for a shift at work. You want to join me?" Nancy asks.

Eilis is about to say yes when an image flashes in front of her. It's a younger version of her, Nancy, George and Jim laughing at the beach, all dressed in swimsuits.

"I think I'll stay longer if you don't mind."

"Go ahead. I'll see you soon?" Nancy asks.

"Of course."

Eilis watches the family disappear in the distance and lays back down on the sandy ground. Closing her eyes she tries to think of nothing but instead all she can think about is Jim's hand in hers, the silent conversation that always passed between their eyes. How he could evoke the shy-girl in her she could never understand. Tony evoked the confident woman inside her.

"The beach hasn't changed much." A voice says quietly from behind her and Eilis quickly sits up.

"I didn't mean to scare you." The man, Jim, smiles.

"I...I didn't realize you were here. You didn't scare me. What are you doing here?" Ellis says all this in a jumble and Jim just raises his eyebrows.

"I like to take walks on the beach." He looks down at the sand. She notices his socks and shoes are off and in his hand. He gently places them beside her hat.

Before she can think of anything to say Jim speaks again.

"Would you...like to join me?" He asks unsurely and so quietly that Eilis was sure she had misheard and her mind was playing tricks on her.

"If you don't mind? I have been sitting here for a few hours, a walk seems like a refreshing idea." Eilis says and Jim offers her a hand. She places hers in his hand and he pulls her up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always much appreciated!
> 
> Next update probably in a month if not earlier :)
> 
> Sorry for the kind of abrupt cut off with the chapter but I'm still figuring out what kind of dynamic I want between them but I did want to post something, so here.


	8. The Grey Blue Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eilis and Jim take a walk on the beach...and go to his house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a terrible person for not updating when I promised and you are under no obligation to forgive me (I haven't forgiven myself). But it's the way it is. Here's another chapter, quite short. I have way too many open fics that I have left untouched for a couple of months and am still writing final exams in university. So please bear with me.

Taking a step into the sand the two begin their walk side by side. Eilis notices Jim hasn't let go of her hand and so she lets him keep it. They walk in comfortable silence for a while. Eilis is mostly concentrating on her hand in Jim's. It's a strong hold but not a forced one, and the warmth from his hand spreads all the way to her chest.

"I miss the Irish beach." Elilis says.

"No you don't." Jim replies with a smile which surprises Eilis.

"Why do you say that?" she asks.

"You live in the wonderful America do you not?"

"You make it sound like that actually means something. Sure, it was an adventurous place at the beginning. But now? Living there it's like any other place. You'd be surprised how much I miss Ireland..." She looks down.

"You really do...?" Jim asks and Eilis nods.

They keep the conversation light-hearted and before she realizes it the sun is setting.

"It will be dark soon, we should probably head back..." Jim says.

"I don't want to." Eilis says, almost wistfully into the far-stretching sea, not realizing she actually said it out loud.

"Well...you don't have to go back to your house yet if you don't want...but it will be awfully chilly now that the sun is setting." Jim proclaims.

In a silent agreement the two of them walk towards Jim's house. They both stop in front of his door and Eilis can tell that Jim isn't sure what to do.

"I am actually quite parched. Do you think I could have some water...or lemonade?"

"Of course. Come in." He invites Eilis in and heads straight for the kitchen.

Eilis walks into his living room and tries not to tremble. What is she doing? Why is she here?

Looking around she notices a variety of paintings. She becomes so enraptured with them that Jim's voice makes her jump.

"Sorry, did not mean to scare you. I just wanted to pass you your drink." Jim says.

"Sorry about that. I was looking at the paintings."

When Eilis turns around Jim is standing right in front of her, occupying all of her personal space. The last sliver of light gleaming in from outside shines in his eyes and she could get lost in that sea of greying blue, just like she wishes she could get lost in the real sea. Her left hand gently brushes past his and both their breaths hitch. She can hear her labour breath and see his neck as he swallows slowly. Looking back into his eyes, the sea, she sees longing. Pure longing. She fears that he might see the same in her eyes. She is near tears and so before she can indeed cry she makes a split second decision.

"Kiss me." Ellis asks in desperation.

Jim moves his face slowly towards hers and in one sweeping motion takes the drink out of her hand, places it on a side table, and joins his lips to hers.


	9. Wanting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eilis and Jim kiss and a bit more. But finally reality breaks them apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in a place with sucky wi-fi. I'm pretty sure already posted this (I did on ff.net) but when I checked back the chapter wasn't here, so re-posting it. Hopefully it won't appear twice.

The world around her stops. The only thing that she can feel are his lips on hers. He's gentle yet at the same time strong with his hands on her hips pulling her closer to him as she puts her hands in his hair. Their faces are so close but at the same time not close enough. She wants more and more. She wants to lose herself in him. His right hand lightly lifts the bottom part of her blouse and she kisses him even more. He continues with a steady hand up her back and her side, rubbing his hand all over her back. The touch is sending electricity through her and she can't help but moan. Or maybe she wants to moan. Either way it spurs Jim on as he starts kissing her neck top to bottom. He captures her lips again. Eilis uses her free hands to begin unbuttoning his shirt and he does the same with her blouse. Something at the back of her head is telling her that this is wrong but how could it be wrong when it feels so right?

"I want you Jim. I've always wanted you." Eilis says in between moans as Jim pours kisses all over her chest.

"Eilis…" He breathes out and they kiss again as her fingers linger on his chest.

He lifts her up by the bottom and carries her to the kitchen placing her in a sitting position on top of the counter all without breaking their kiss. She can't breathe and she doesn't want to.

"Oh Eilis, how I want this…but we shouldn't be doing this…" he says quietly but doesn't stop the kissing.

Those words trigger the reminder in her that she is in fact married, with children, and this is wrong, no matter how good or right it feels. Tears start pouring down her face but she can't stop kissing him. It feels like her life depends on kissing Jim.

"Eilis? Eilis? You're crying." Jim breaks the kiss and uses his thumb to clear her tears on her cheeks.

She looks down in embarrassment and guilt. She kissed the man whom she denied all those years ago. This isn't fair to him. This isn't fair to Tony.

"I…I am so sorry Jim…I didn't mean to…Oh my god, I am so…What have I done…Jim…oh no…" Eilis begins and Jim steps away to let her jump back to her feet. She tugs at her hair and looks for her blouse because not wearing one is becoming more awkward now. More tears flow down as she doesn't know how she should be feeling.

"Eilis, calm down. Eilis." He reaches out to stop her from breaking down but it's too late and she's running out the door and into the hills.

The air is cold, just as he said it would be, but this is what she needs. She needs something to wake her up. She needs something to slap her in the face and make her realize what she's doing. She has a loving husband whom she loves to the end of the earth. But she can't avoid those eyes. She could when she was young, she couldn't when she came back and nearly got engaged with Jim, and she can't seem to now. If she cares so much about Jim why would she do this to him? Why would she hurt him so? Why would she kiss him and then run? The tears are nearly frozen on her face and her face must be red the moment she returns to her house. A long time ago she would have cared about what others would say. Now, she can't even bother to think about such trivia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always much appreciated :)


	10. What Are Friends For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellis tells Nancy what happened with Jim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter but I find it easier to keep the story going with shorter chapter.

Eilis covers her face with a pillow as a sliver of sunshine peers through her window coaxing her into wakefulness. She can ignore the sun but it is becoming harder to ignore the loud knocking, one might say banging, on the main door of the house. Groaning, she puts on her slippers and drags her body downstairs.

“What is it?” Eilis asks Nancy who was behind all that knocking.

“Oh dear. What happened to you? Have you forgotten? We’re going back to the beach today and then a trip through the hills with the little ones? Are you alright Eilis?” Nancy walks in and puts the back of her hand to Eilis’ forehead. Ellis shoves the hand away.

“Do you want tea?” Ellis murmurs heading over to the kitchen.

“No, I’m fine. But you don’t seem to be. Eilis what is it?”

“I’m not…feeling well. Probably best that I don’t go with you to the beach.” Ellis says. She wasn’t entirely lying. She isn’t feeling well. But really, she wants to avoid that beach at all cost.

“You seemed fine yesterday.” Nancy says.

“Well now I’m not.” Eilis says and knows she probably took it too far.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bark at you like that.” Eilis apologizes.

“This is more than just not feeling well….Are you missing Tony? And your Rosie and Frankie?” Nancy asks gently. Unfortunately, these words seem to break any resolve Eilis had. She does miss her family and she feels terribly guilty for her actions.

“Oh no! Eilis, come here sweetheart, it’s fine. All is fine.” Nancy takes Eilis into a hug and caresses her head while Eilis cries her eyes out in Nancy’s dress.

“It’s not just that.” Ellis stutters out.

“What do you mean?”

“I miss them terribly, you have no idea. I miss Tony, so so much. But…” Eilis begins but stops unsure whether she should actually tell Nancy about last night. Nancy is her best friend but maybe she shouldn’t burden her with such information.

“Eilis, I’m your friend.” Nancy says as if reading her mind.

“I did something I shouldn’t have last night.” Eilis says quietly biting her lip. She lets that sink in and hopes that Nancy will figure it out.

“What happened?” Nancy asks.

“I…I kissed Jim.” Eilis says and just saying it out loud brings back the intensity of that moment. His beautiful eyes look down at her softly.

There is a lot of surprise in Nancy’s face but not as much as one might expect in such a situation.

“It just all happened so fast. When you left he came to the beach and we walked. It started to get dark so we went to his place and then…then we stood there so close to each other…it was unbearable. And for a moment I forgot my place and asked him to kiss me. And he did. Jim kissed me and I lost myself in that moment. We kissed and touched until…a moment of reality slapped us in the face realizing what we were doing. Oh Nancy, I broke down after that. I cried, in front of Jim. Not only did I hurt him by asking him to do something I know he wished he could but then I stopped it. I…Tony…Nancy…” Eilis gets lost in the last bit as more tears start pouring down her face.

“Eilis, you have to calm down honey. Breathe.” Nancy says with a steady voice, so Eilis follows her advice and breathes. It takes many breaths before she can say that she is no longer in a frantic state.

“You never stopped caring for Jim you know. I know that. We can’t always be strong. Eilis, this is not the end of the world.”

“I enjoyed it Nancy. I enjoyed kissing him and being with him. Even with the knowledge that I was…going against Tony.”

“I know. I know.” Nancy says and continues caressing Eilis’ mussed hair.

“I don’t know what to do…”

“The decision is yours but when you go back to America tell Tony what happened. You had a moment of weakness spurred on by all your memories from back home. I may not know Tony in person but from all you have said about him he is a wonderful man, he will forgive you Eilis. As for Jim…maybe give yourself some time away from him…?” Nancy says and Eilis nods because she has no other ideas as to what the course of action is now.

“Thank you. I am sorry for being a burden. I know Jim is your friend.”

“You are however my best friend. I won’t tell George…though I wouldn’t be surprised if Jim told George so just be prepared. But I will take care of George yeah? You take a breather.” Nancy says as if they were getting ready to go into battle.

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbc
> 
> Kudos and comments are always much appreciated :)


	11. Avoidance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eilis and Jim avoid each other. People in the village are beginning to notice something is up with Jim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes, it is unbeta'd.
> 
> P.S.: Merry Christmas :)

Nancy takes Eilis by the hand and leads her to Eilis’ room.

“You need to put clothes on. We won’t go to the beach but we will go to the woods with the kids, yes? It will get you out of Enniscorthy for a few hours and get some more fresh air in.” Nancy says in a mothering voice. Eilis feels so lost that she will do anything someone tells her to do.

The air is crisp as the five of them, Nancy, the kids, and Eilis, venture out into the dense forest. Eilis wishes she could just run through the forest, without having a care in the world about possible scrapes and bruises, without caring what state she looked like after, but being a mother took away part of the child in her. She takes a moment to mourn that before straightening up and turning to Nancy who is looking very concerned at her.

“I will be fine Nancy.” Ellis reassures her friend.

“I know you will….Who knew having two men like you could be so terribly exhausting and painful? No one ever mentions that in their stories…” Nancy says. Nancy seems to capture the exact state Eilis is in at the moment.

“I didn’t even know people told such stories. And if they miss out telling that bit they are frauds.” Eilis adds.

It’s a few hours later, on their way back from the woods, as they walk through one of the streets that they run into an old classmate of theirs.

“Soira!” Nancy exclaims as if the two hadn’t seen each other in ages, which Eilis doubts in a small village like this.

“Nancy, it’s good to see you. And, wow, Eilis. I heard you were back but I’ve been so busy with helping Danny, my husband, that I didn’t have time to think about it. My, you have grown up, you look wonderful!”

“It’s good to see you Soira. It’s probably because of the break I’m taking from Rosie and Frankie.” Ellis smiles though in fact she misses her darlings. Soira raises her eyebrow in confusion and Eilis realizes that her classmate probably doesn’t know who that is.

“Oh, Rosie and Frankie are my children.”

“You have children! That’s wonderful.”

“They are quite the cute bunch, but I say they get it from their dad, Tony.” Ellis smiles.

“Married?” Soira asks.

“Of course. He’s a true gentleman.” Eilis always gushes when it comes to her husband and kids but she wonders whether she’s overdoing herself because of the guilt she feels.

“I am so happy for you.” Soira smiles. Eilis isn’t sure whether her classmate is being true or not but can’t be bothered to speculate.

“How is Danny?” Nancy asks Soira.

“We’re great! And we’ve got a little one on the way so we’re preparing for that.” Soira says as she rubs her stomach.

“Congratulations!” Eilis says.

“Thank you.” Soira smiles.

After a bit of silence Soira looks at the two of them conspiratorially.

“Have you two seen James Farrell?” Soira looks around so that they are not heard. It was strange hearing his name said fully, as James, rather than Jim. Ellis bites her lip afraid what the village has to say about her barely-there dalliance with Jim a few days ago. She must admit the gossip mill is quite fast.

“We have not.” Nancy says but Eilis can tell that even she is weary of what Soira might have to say.

“Well, he seems to be in a strange mood. He was at work in the bar but was ignoring everyone. Jim Farrell was ignoring people, he doesn’t do that. Sure, he might be a bit of a quiet chap but never ignorant. I think something must have happened. Maybe a family death? I am not sure, but if you hear anything, you must let me know!” Soira says and leans away from them no longer in the conspiratorial mood.

“I doubt we will hear anything, but sure.” Nancy says and Eilis just nods. Of course, neither one of them will keep to that promise but their classmate need not know that.

“Pfff, I think you will. Your husband is the closest friend that man has I believe.” Soira says and waves goodbye to them, so the two women wave back.

Eilis closes her eyes for a moment, willing the world to leave her consciousness but when she opens her eyes it is exactly where she left it.

“Are you alright?” Nancy asks.

“Yes.” Eilis responds.

“I’m sorry about that.” Nancy says and Eilis has to laugh.

“You make it sound like it’s your fault. It’s Enniscorthy. I’m just surprised it took them so short of a time to see something was…off.” Eilis says sadly. Maybe because she was sure it wouldn’t take long before they figure it out and then twist the story to their liking.

“I just meant I wanted you to have some time away from…him, and well…” Nancy says.

“I don’t think I have anymore guilt left in me to distribute around. Tony, the kids, Jim…but he’s obviously not taking what happened well…” Eilis says.

“Well that’s hardly a surprise. Eilis, you basically walked out on him back then and then you came back, kissed him and then ran off again…” Nancy says, as if Eilis needed a reminder.

“I think I’ll just go back to my place.” Eilis says.

“Alright. But you can’t hide out forever.” Nancy says.

“I can try.” Eilis smiles sadly.

As she’s rounding the corner she notices a tall figure, Jim, standing in line at one of the shops. She’s about to walk as fast as she can past him but he catches her eye, almost as if he could feel her eyes on him. She immediately turns back around and finds the nearest street to go down hoping that he will not follow her. He doesn’t. Taking the longer way around she finally gets to her house. She did practically nothing today yet she feels so exhausted as she crashes down on her bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always much appreciated :)


	12. Desperate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eilis and Jim confront each other but can they stay away from each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't realize the story would take this long but I do have an end goal and I'm sticking to it. I'm giving you two chapters in one day (I was going to do it in one but it felt more like two chapters so...)

The next few days pass by without any incidents regarding Jim. Eilis is actually quite surprised because avoiding anyone in a town so small is not easy. She’s putting on a pot of tea when there’s a knock on the door. She’s pretty sure that Nancy and George are out of town with the kids, visiting George’s family, but maybe Nancy decided to stay back to keep Eilis company.

“The door is open!” She yells out from the kitchen as she pours herself tea and takes out the food from the oven.

“Aren’t you supposed to be with George and the kids?” Eilis says and turns around to face her friend. What she sees is not Nancy or even George. It’s the man she’s been avoiding. The grey blue sea.

“Jim.” She says at a loss for words. She was sure they had some sort of invisible agreement of never seeing each other again.

“You said the door was open so I…” He says.

“Yes, I did…I thought…” Eilis says.

“…that I was Nancy?” He finishes her sentence and she smiles lightly. Biting her lip she offers him tea because she has nothing else to offer and she needs something to do other than just stand there.

“Yes, thank you.” he replies.

As soon as she passes him the tea she finds she yet again has nothing to do with her hands or body.

He slowly moves towards her, their eyes linked, and her body is yelling at her to step towards him, her mind is yelling for her to run. Again. When he reaches her he gently takes her hands, that have been wringing a cloth, into his. One of his hands reach out to caress her cheek and a tear drops down her face.

“Oh Eilis…” he says so softly she isn’t even sure it happened.

“You don’t have to run from me.” he says and her eyes open.

“Of course I do!” she yanks her hands out of his and takes a step back leaving the bewildered man in front of her standing there.

“Jim, you…I care for you more than one should! I can’t…Why didn’t you notice me?” she yells and Jim frowns.

“Notice you?” he asks.

“Before Rose, before America…why didn’t you notice me? Why didn’t you care for me sooner? Why…” she gently bangs her hands against his chest and he lets her. The tears sting her eyes but she can’t make them stop. He takes a step backwards and looks away as he brushes his hand through his hair.

“Because I was an arrogant boy Eilis! Because you were too good for me. You still are! I always noticed you but I couldn’t. I was arrogant and gave into the pressures of popularity.” his head hangs low and when he turns back to look at Eilis his eyes burn with a fire she had never seen there.

The silence hangs between them and with each breath it becomes more and more unbearable.

“I should go.” Jim says quietly and without thinking about it Eilis reaches out and tugs on his shirt to stop him.

“Don’t…” she says and she licks her suddenly dry lips, which doesn’t go unnoticed by Jim.

He takes a step forward and there isn’t much room left between the two of them.

“I have a husband and two kids.” Ellis says and isn’t really sure why she does. She knows he is aware of that. Is it to remind herself? Is it to remind him?

“I know.” he says and takes the stray hairs out of her face and puts them behind her ears.

“Would you kiss me if I asked you to? If I begged?” he asks and all the breath comes out of her.

“I would kiss you even if you didn’t.” she says with a shaky voice and their lips meet. It’s rough. There isn’t uncertainty. The only uncertainty left is in Eilis’ heart but it’s slowly being drowned out by the heartbeat pulsing through her blood. He lifts her up and somehow manages to carry her all the way to her bedroom without breaking the kiss. For a moment Eilis can’t help but wonder where he learned all this but she dispels all these thoughts when his tongue slides down her chin and neck reaching her chest.

It doesn’t take long before her blouse is gone and so is his shirt. She traces his pale skin and smiles where she sees it pressed up against her equally pale skin. He reaches down to unclasp her skirt at the back and before she knows it it too is gone leaving her in her undergarments.

“You’re cute when you blush.” Jim says, the first words they have spoken since they started kissing. She unbuckles his belt and unbuttons his trousers letting him slide out of them. He presses his body down against hers and they both moan in desperation and pleasure.

“Can I?” he asks and it’s the first time that Eilis sees uncertainty after the kiss.

“Yes!” she says quickly without hesitation because her head is swimming and she needs to feel him inside of her. Her world explodes and they easily adapt a steady rhythm that increases as they reach their moments of bliss. His tongue laps at her neck only adding strength to the moans coming out of her.

It’s easy to fall asleep after such pleasure and in such strong but comforting arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was deciding how explicit I should make the scene but decided for less explicit because I think it fits the story more.
> 
> Kudos and comments are always much appreciated :)


	13. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eilis and Jim try to navigate their way through their feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late. Late. Late. Ah, I know. But university and work doesn't allow for much fan fiction sadly. Reading week, however, does.

Tony reaches out his arm and Eilis takes it watching in fascination as the sun glints off his eyes and tanned skin. He pulls her up close to him and they begin to dance. They don’t need music for that, the music is in their head and it’s always the same music. They run and dance, and he holds her close to him.

“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me Eilis.” He says nuzzling her ear.

“Oh Tony. I couldn’t be more lucky and happy. How did I ever deserve you?” Eilis says and closes her eyes as she looks up into the sun.

“It’s so nice of your ma to take care of the kids so that we can have a day out in Ireland.” Ellis continues.

“Well you know she loves the kids to bits. Just as I do. Just as you do.” Tony says.

“Do you think we’ll always be this happy?” Eilis asks.

“Yes. Now come on. Let’s dance. I hear a tune coming.” Tony says and Eilis laughs. The two of them dance into the sun. She lets the sun burn on her skin hoping that it doesn’t leave her red.

~~

“Hmmm, Tony.” Eilis murmurs.

The birds chirp outside and a ray of sunlight reaches in through the window to caress Eilis’ face and gently wake her from sleep. She slowly opens her eyes and the first thing she sees are Jim’s eyes. Still in a half asleep state she smiles and he begins to caress her cheek, alongside the sunlight. But when Eilis looks properly there’s a small frown on his face.

“Jim?” She asks quietly.

He shakes his head and Eilis is too tired to prod.

They lay there together for what seems like an eternity but as the time passes so does Eilis’ mind slowly wake up from her daze. The smile begins to disappear from her face as she realizes what happened last night. Jim takes away his hand from her cheek as if giving her the space to process or maybe even run. But she doesn’t want to run.

“I’m not running.” Eilis says out loud. That seems to bring back the smile to his face.

Eilis disentangles herself from Jim.

“Breakfast?” she asks.

“I can make it.” he offers but she waves him off.

“That’s alright. My mind needs to wake up from its daze. Making breakfast will get me on my feet again.” She explains as she puts on a robe. He follows not far behind.

“It looks like a beautiful day outside. We could…have a picnic if you wish. There’s a nice spot not far from my house.” Jim says unsurely, almost as if he were afraid to even offer this idea.

“That would be nice.”

After breakfast the two of them head to his place. Eilis’ heart begins to race as it reminds her of the last time she was here. She ran out and as far from Jim as she could after she did what she had wanted to for so long. Given in to Jim. Not fully. That only happened last night. The memory of last night brings a blush to her cheeks and she has to look down.

The day goes by slowly yet so quickly at the same time. The fruits disappear from their picnic basket faster than the sandwiches, and the lemonade is nearly gone as well. It looks like the sunset is coming. They didn’t talk about them, or about Brooklyn, they just talked and lazed about, enjoying each other’s company and it was wonderful. Eilis wished she could stay forever but knows she can’t.

Jim looks at Eilis and she smiles back but there’s a frown on his face. She reaches to caress the wrinkles until the frown disappears. She waits hoping that Jim would talk to her.

“You called me Tony.” Jim says and this shocks Eilis. She doesn’t remember calling him that at any point.

“I…did I?” she asks.

“In the morning as you were waking up.” he says.

Eilis looks back to the morning. She remembers Jim’s stead hand on her cheek, the sunlight pouring down on them, and the comfortable feeling in her after a night of bliss. And…

“…the dream…” she mutters.

“Hm?”

“I…I must not have been fully awake. I had a dream.”

He looks at her waiting for her to continue.

“It’s not really important. Tony and I were dancing so I guess I must have said his name.”

As soon as she says this Jim takes his hand out of hers and looks out to the hills. A dark cloud settles upon them.

“You dreamt of another man while you were with me.” he says but it almost seems like he is talking to himself.

“He’s my husband Jim. I didn’t mean to dream of him, I cannot control dreams. It was just a dream.”

“Do you just miss him so that you wanted company?”

“What? How could you…Who do you think I am?”

“I don’t know Eilis.”

“I do not wish for such company when I am lonely. I wanted to be with you. And it is selfish of me, I know that. You have every right to hate me for what I did to you all those years ago. You have every right to hate me for wanting you right now. But don’t hate me because I had a dream. A dream of a man I love dearly. This is the reality Jim. I love my husband.”

He looks away at the last bit, the words stinging his heart.

“Then who am I? Because you have to know that I will always wait for you Eilis, always. But who am I?” he says and it tears at her heart. A tear pushes itself out of her eye and she lets it drop onto her skirt. Suddenly it seems like the most fascinating thing in the world.

He reaches out, touching her chin and lifting it up, forcing her to look in his eyes.

“You…you are someone I have always loved. Since I was a little girl. You are someone I should not love. You are what is going to destroy me one day.” A small sob comes out of her throat.

Jim leans forward to hug her and they stay like that until she has calmed down.

“Why do you let me do this to you?” Eilis finally asks.

“Because I will take what I can get. I love you Eilis and if I can have you for one month, for one week, for one day, for one minute, I will take it.”


	14. Waves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eilis' time in Enniscorthy is up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hadn't meant to update yet because I have zero time but I wanted to write at least something even if it's short.
> 
> The next time I update will only be after the semester is over so end of April I guess.

The next week is full of bliss and pleasure as Eilis and Jim spend all their days together. Eilis knows that Nancy knows, but she’s a grown woman and won’t stop her. On one hand Eilis wishes Nancy would, on the other hand she prefers she doesn’t.

It’s the evening before Eilis has to leave.

“You’ll forget about me…And maybe that’s better.” Jim looks down at his hands as the two of them lean against the headboard of Eilis’ bed. His hand is in hers and the warmth that spreads from that hand to her heart is almost unbearable. She squeezes his hand reassuringly.

“No, I won’t. I couldn’t when I first left for America. I couldn’t when I left the second time. And I definitely won’t be able to this time.” Eilis says feeling like it’s important for Jim to understand that.

They sit in silence before Eilis talks again.

“But understand this. I am not stopping you from loving a woman. A woman who can devote herself fully to you Jim. I am not stopping you. Of course, a bit of my heart would break but you deserve love.” She says even though a selfish Eilis, deep inside of her, wishes such a woman doesn’t exist.

He smiles at her and they spend the rest of their night together.

The morning birds chirp outside the window.

Eilis heads to the port where she’s meeting Nancy and George. Jim will be there too he said.

“George, it’s been a good stay. You and Nance are the best ever couple there could possibly be. Keep each other on your toes, you understand me?” Eilis says and her friend hugs her.

“It’s been good having you, it really has. Nance and I will find a way to get to America one day, you hear me?” George says and Eilis smiles at the thought of her friends coming to see her.

Before Eilis can say anything Nancy tackles her and it’s only the steady hand of Jim standing behind her that keeps her standing. The two girls hug like there’s no tomorrow.

“Oh my dear sweet Eilis. Who would have known our lives would take this turn? But it’s an adventure. And as George said, before you know it I’ll be in Brooklyn and we’ll show them Americans what the Irish girls can get up to!” Nancy says and Eilis laughs with tears in her eyes. 

She will miss this. All of it.

Finally, her friend releases her from the tight hold and takes a step back.

“Here.” Jim says quietly from behind her and he hands her a cloth tissue. She wipes her tears but doesn’t return the tissue.

The four of them stand there in silence and Eilis wants to say goodbye to Jim but doesn’t know how. Not in such a public space. She decides a quick hug should be fine.

Eilis doesn’t want to leave the warm, comfortable arms of Jim but knows that too long and the world will know all.

Picking up her bag, she steps onto the ferry. It feels like ages since she got back to Enniscorthy. Yet it feels like it was yesterday.

Enniscorthy and her friends slowly disappear in the distance. Once their waves are no longer visible, she lowers her hurting arm, from all that waving, and tightens her hold on the tissue she never returned to Jim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC (I know it looks like an ending but it's not, hopefully)


	15. Golden and Silver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eilis is on the ferry and reminiscing (sort of). She arrives in NY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super-mini chapter. Busy sightseeing but wanting to write something, anything. Hopefully will post sometime in the next week again.

Eilis holds onto the metal walls of her tiny room on the ferry. There’s a storm outside so everyone is piling back in. A tear escapes her eye and she can’t help but feeling foolish. Foolish because of the amount of tears that have left her since she went back to Ireland. Foolish for not really knowing why she is crying anymore. Without thinking she reaches into her small suitcase and uncovers a little wooden box. Opening it carefully she holds the object from the box carefully in her two fingers. It’s a ring. She had found it in Jim’s house on her last visit to his place. He had been making dinner and she had been roaming around his large house curiously looking at everything. And then she saw the dusty little box underneath a pile of papers in his closet. Under any other circumstance she wouldn’t have touched it, she understand boundaries and privacy. However, something about the box made her want to know what’s inside.

The ring was beautiful. It was light golden with a small green jewel and two intertwining golden lines on the side. She had been mesmerized and her heart pounded as she wondered whether this was the ring she could have been wearing in an alternate world. She had heard Jim calling her for supper and without giving it a thought she hid the wooden box in her bag and rand down the stairs.

Sitting in the cabin she stares at the ring. It is so different from the one she shares with Tony. It’s a silver ring with a light blue and silver jewel. She puts the golden one back into the box and hides the box back in the suitcase. As she gets ready to go to sleep she kisses the silver band on her finger and closes her eye.

“I miss you my love.” She whispers into the darkness.

~~~~~~~~

When she awakens there’s a commotion around her. From the way people are smiling Eilis can tell there’s no emergency. This must mean that America is in sight. Looking out of the tiny round window she confirms her belief. Even she can’t hold back the excitement of seeing her husband and children.

~~~~~~~~

Walking carefully down the steps and wooden bridge to the port in Brooklyn she looks around to see her family. A broad smile appears on her face as she looks to her right and there in the throng of anxious family members and friends is a smiling young man with a bouquet of flowers and stroller, and jumping little girl. Eilis can’t help but remember the day that she met Tony.

“Tony! Rosie! Frankie!” She yells out and could care less what others think about a lady such as herself yelling.

Her daughter must have heard her because she begins to make her way through the crowd and Tony follows suit with the stroller. As soon as there’s space Eilis runs to her husband and kisses him ardently.

“Ma!!” Rosie tugs on Eilis’ sleeve and so she lets go of Tony and brings herself down to Rosie’s level.

The mother and daughter hug for an eternity.

“Frankie’s asleep.” Tony says.

Eilis lowers herself down to the stroller and gives Franke a light peck on the cheek not wanting to wake him up.

“I missed you so so much!” Eilis says and the family leave the crowd.

Rosie chatters in the background telling her mother all the activities they did while she was gone and all the activities she wants to do now that she’s back. Eilis nods once in a while and smiles at Tony. She’s lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm expecting about seven more chapters (can't promise).


	16. New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Eilis are moving their little family into a new house. The new house has a very comfortable bed *wink*.

Before Eilis left back for Ireland the house they were moving into was only half renovated. Now that she’s back it is fully finished, thanks to Tony’s brothers and friends.

“Tony! This is beautiful!” Ellis says and twirls around. Who would have thought that poor little shy insignificant Eilis Fiorello nee Lacey would ever have a place such as this of her own? By many people’s standards in America this place is nothing. By the standards of Enniscorthy, it is everything.

“If you think it’s beautiful now, I wonder what you will say when it’s actually furnished.” The two of them laugh. Eilis missed Tony’s laugh. She missed his energy and his crazy ideas. Most of all, she missed his big heart.

The townhouse is tight but much more spacious then their previous apartment. Tony managed to get a great deal because of his various connections. Eilis no longer gets surprised when Tony gets great deals on things, she’s more surprised when he doesn’t. Everyone that knows Tony adores him. Of course, no one, bar his mother, adores him more than his wife.

Tony takes a hold of her hand and puts his other hand on her lower back. They begin dancing to an invisible song though she’s pretty sure they are both dancing to the same one. The one they danced to when they first met.

“This is going to be wonderful.” Eilis says and can’t keep the smile off her face.

“You think?” Tony asks and then is overrun by Rosie, and their nephews and nieces.

The whole Fiorello clan came to take a look at the renovations. Eilis wanted them to come see it once their place was furnished but they couldn’t wait.

“Mrs. Fiorello, it’s great to see you again!” Eilis says and the two hug. Eilis has long gotten used to the affection of the Fiorello family and doesn’t mind it one bit.

“Mommy?” Rosie tugs on Eilis’ sleeve.

“Yes darling?”

“Where will I sleep?”

“Well, we can’t move in here yet because we don’t have any furniture.”

“Oh…does that mean I will sleep on the ground?”

“No sweetheart. We will get all the furniture here and then you will have your cozy bed. But not yet.”

“But I want my cozy bed now…Daddy is strong he can get my cozy bed.”

Frank Fiorello laughs.

“Your dad sure is strong but maybe give him a break. We will get all your stuff in here within the next week. Then I can come tickle you.” Frank begins and chases his niece across the room.

“Are you alright?” Tony stands beside Eilis and looks at her with worry.

“Of course. Why?” She asks.

“You’re crying.”

Eilis touches her finger to her cheek and finds that her cheeks are indeed wet. She laughs.

“I have no idea why. I think I’ve just missed all of this so much. I know I wasn’t gone long but it felt like it. I needed Ireland but I still missed America. I missed Frankie’s laughs. I missed Rosie’s laughs. I missed your laughs.” They look at each other and he kisses her gently.

“Ewww!! Mommy! Daddy!” Rosie runs over to her parents and so they part.

“Yeah, no one needs to see that.” Frank says lightheartedly.

~~~~

A week passes, and as promised the most important furniture is in the house. Mostly just the beds but that seems to be all Rosie cares about.

“Now can we sleep in the new house?” Rosie asks.

“Yes, now we can.” Eilis smiles.

Eilis, despite not being much of a singer, sings Frankie an Irish lullaby:

“I see the moon, the moon sees me  
shining through the leaves of the old oak tree  
Oh, let the light that shines on me  
shine on the one I love.

Over the mountain, over the sea,  
back where my heart is longing to be  
Oh, let the light that shines on me  
shine on the one I love.

I hear the lark, the lark hears me  
singing from the leaves of the old oak tree  
Oh, let the lark that sings to me  
sing to the one I love,

Over the mountains, over the sea  
back where my heart is longing to be  
Oh, let the lark that sings to me  
sing to the one I love.”

Tony comes in to give his son a kiss before moving on to Rosie’s room.

“Hey little blossom. Ready to be tucked in?” Tony walks over to Rosie’s bed and sits on the edge.

“The big question is, who do you want to sing you a lullaby?” Eilis asks.

“Hmmm…” Rosie ponders and her eyes flit between her parents finally she points her finger to Eilis, so she obliges:

“Fa la ninna, fa la nanna  
Nella braccia della mamma  
Fa la ninna bel bambin,  
Fa la nanna bambin bel,  
Fa la ninna, fa la nanna  
Nella braccia della mamma.”

Now that the children are asleep Eilis walks over to the kitchen. She hadn’t been very hungry during dinner so needs to snack on something.

“Before you go for those crackers…” Tony begins and stops her from doing exactly that. However, before she can protest, he brings out two small glasses of wine along with a platter of snacks.

Eilis raises her eyebrows.

“Well, I know we’re saving up so I went for the cheapest possible wine. And I know we both have lots of work but I thought that maybe we could catch a break together.” Tony says.

“I love where you’re going with this Mr. Fiorello.” Eilis says and leans against Tony whilst nibbling on the snacks.

“I missed you.” he says and it warms her heart.

“There were many nights when I cried myself to sleep.” Eilis admits. Of course she doesn’t go into detail about the tears she shed in the last days of her time in Enniscorthy.

She leans into his body and caresses her cheeks before pressing his lips to hers. His lips are on fire and now so are hers. It’s as if she’s been drowning gasping for oxygen and not even realizing it. And now she has her oxygen. Now she has Tony.

He leans across over her and she ends up lying down on the wooden ground. It’s not comfortable but at the moment her body and mind could care less because all she feels are his lips.

A few splinters in their fingers later they move their heated kissing and touching to their bed. Somehow Tony manages to be both gentle and rough when bring himself onto her, never letting go of her lips. Eilis tries to be silent with her gasps so as not to wake the children but seeing as Tony is also failing she let’s go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Irish English lullaby is called "I see the moon" from lullaby-link com
> 
> Italian lullaby is called "Fa la ninna, fa la nanna"(=go to sleep, go to sleepy) from mamalisa com


End file.
